"Vernon God Little", by DBC Pierre

Plot Synopsis: A 15 year old high school student in a Texas border town is wrongly accused of abetting a school shooting, a la Columbine. His fugitive status finds him looking for refuge in Mexico, while the media, his family and the law are all biting at his heels.

My Two Cents: As a high school teacher, and in the wake of the Virginia Tech shootings (where I went to school to learn how to take psychedelic drugs and drop out after two years), Pierre's novel strikes a painful chord. I suppose what is good about the book is that the shooting themselves are pushed to the back in favor of blood-thirstiness of the media, which is Pierre's main cultural phenomena to be skewered. The book is told from the point of view of 15 year old Vernon Little and his voice gets a little tired after hundreds of pages. There are some great characters and the book moves quickly, but, all in all, the novel sometimes creates pat, almost stock Hollywood plot devices, that make it much too easy to get out of situations that are plainly meant to suck the characters down like quick sand. Be that as it may, the novel was entertaining, and, as a debut novel, I will probably be interested in reading his next book, too.

My Grade: B

Movie: "Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns" (2005)

Plot Synopsis: A rare-movie, only screened once, causes people to partake in bad acting and speak in horrid French accents.

My Two Cents: This is the same guy that made "Halloween", the greatest movie ever, dude. That scene where Jamie Lee Curtis is smoking a joint in the Nova, listening to Blue Oyster Cult on the radio, is primo. And stabbing Michael Myers in the eye with a coat-hanger? Forget it. He is SOOO awesome. This can't be John Carpenter. This must be, like, his retarded step-sister or something. This movie sucks.

My Grade: See me after class so I can punch you in the stomach.

"Last Orders", by Graham Swift

Plot Synopsis: Four men from England make a pilgrimage to the seaside to honor a mutual friend's last wishes. On the way, they reminisce about the paths their own lives have taken.

My Two Cents: My relationship with books reached it's zenith in Africa, I'm sure. I read voraciously and books were cherished because they were hard to come by. Most of the time books were passed from volunteer to volunteer and the two-year stint in Peace Corps became an opportunity to finally read "War and Peace", "Crime and Punishment" and the Lord of the Rings trilogy. And there was nothing like laying in bed on a sweltering weekday afternoon, the fan blowing directly on me, no sounds outside except for passing trucks or over-stuffed taxis, and being lost inside a book. One of the best books I read in my two years in Cameroon was "Waterland" by Graham Swift, about a prep school professor and the Fens in England, a rich, epically written novel that stayed with me long after I read the book.

"Last Orders" wasn't nearly as good as "Waterland"; in fact, at times I hated it. Each chapter is told from the perspective of a different character; however, the voices are not that much different from one another. On top of that, the characters have names that seem to bleed into each other- Vince, Vic, Ray, Jack, Lenny, Sally, Amy and so on. So I was continually flipping back, trying to find out the relationship between the characters. Swift is much too good of an author not to see the problem in this, so I'm imagining it was one of his narrative tropes- to show that these four friends, after years and years of being together, had become "one". Or something. It was quite frustrating.

That being said, as I got further into the novel and became comfortable with who was doing what, the book got better and better. Swift has a way of nailing nuances in life that are simply never covered in literature, in this case- which is prevailing theme of the novel- that nether-world of inebriation between sobriety and drunkenness, where everything seems more acute and powerful, getting slowly pickled and at peace with the world or sweetly stewed on his account,referring to their lost friend. Then he smiles, weakly, Swift writes, after the men have left a pub at two in the afternoon, drinking to the memory of their friend, like a man always can after he's just emptied his bladder. But more than this, "Last Orders" is about the drama that is inherent in everyone's lives, whether it's drama that happens like a flurry of gunshots, or one that festers for a lifetime. It is a book that is certainly worth reading.

My Grade: B

Movie: "The Killer of Sheep" (1977)

Plot Synopsis: This is more of a "period" piece than a film with a narrative arc. It focuses on a man, who works in a slaughterhouse, and his family, in the Watts section of Los Angeles in the early '70s.

My Two Cents: This is a stunning film, even more so considering it was Peter Burnett's master's thesis at UCLA in 1977, and never meant for mass distribution. There is no plot per se; Burnett focuses entirely on Stan and his family- his wife and two kids- and their relationship with Watts. At times it seems almost apocalyptic and many scenes reminded me eerily of some of the bigger towns in Cameroon- sparse, dusty and forgotten. The connection between Stan's dead-end job at the slaughterhouse, where he cleans up after the sheep that have been skinned and butchered, and his life at home, where he wearily goes through the motions- languidly dancing with his wife, buying a used motor that falls off the back of a truck, playing dominoes in the kitchen- all bring to question the difference between those who do the cutting and those who get butchered. He is a sad character, but he is surrounded, it seems, by moments of hope. His wife loves him, but is mournful about his weariness. He revels in being the father of his son and his daughter. And the town of Watts is noisy with the sounds of kids being kids- throwing rocks at passing trains, play-fighting in abandoned lots, hiding on roofs. Why this film was not released earlier and is just getting released, in the near future, on DVD, is beyond me. It is a special film that captures an indelible moment in American history. And, for that, it deserves any recognition it can get.

MY GRADE: A

"The Deposition of Father Mcgreevy", by Brian O'Doherty

Plot Synopsis: A priest in an Irish village lives on top of a mountain where all of the women have died and the men are fucking sheep (I'm not kidding). He spends a lot of time walking down the hill to the town where he defends the sheep-fuckers.

My Two Cents: While I'm not a big fan of bestiality, it was strangely satisfying to read a novel that dealt with sheep-fucking on a literary level. There was some hogwash about the sheep representing the pagan Irish mother-god and so on, which only makes the thing incestous rather than beast-uous, so I don't know what's worse. When I e-mailed my brother to see if he'd read the book he replied I think there was a lot of going up and down a hill to town, which is pretty much it. It was certainly better than Banville or Atwood, but, ultimately, I found myself trying to finish the damn thing before any more farm animals were defiled. Baaaaah.

My Grade: C

"Life of Pi", by Yann Martel

Plot Synopsis: A sixteen year old Indian boy is stranded on a raft with a zebra, a hyena, an orangutan and a tiger. Guess which one survives?

My Two Cents: "Life Of Pi" won the Booker Prize in 2002. The French are turning it into a movie, which means it won't be destroyed by Hollywood. It is, however, one of those novels that can exist only as a novel and that's because the book works on a lot of different allegorical levels, some of which are easier to see than others. I won't say a lot about it, other than the fact that it is conducive to page-turning. And I mean that in a positive way.

My Grade: B+

"The Blind Assassin", by Margaret Atwood; "The Sea", by John Banville

Plot Synopsis: Neither book has a plot.

My Two Cents: Atwood's Booker prize winning novel is 538 pages of boring musing by an unlikable elderly Canadian woman. Banville's Booker prize winning novel is 195 pages of boring musing by an unlikable elderly Irishman. They should both collaborate on writing another Booker prize winning novel about an Irishman and a Canadian woman who give birth to a boring, unlikable elderly child.
And then we can all die happy.

My Grade: D

"The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother", by James McBride

Plot Synopsis: James McBride grew up in Brooklyn projects, in a family of 13, raised by his step-father and his Jewish white mother. The novel switches back and forth from his own story to his mother's- a harrowing story of growing up Jewish in Suffolk, Virginia in the 1930s, and falling in love with a black man.

My Two Cents: I recieved this book for Christmas. My first reaction was this: What in the hell? Why did my sister give me this book? When I began reading it, it became clear to me. I live in Brooklyn and I grew up in Tidewater, which includes Suffolk, so it only makes sense that my dear sister would think I would like this book. And, surprisingly, I did. It's not particularly well-written. In fact, the writing is a bit lazy. The story, however, is irresistable, especially the stuff about the author's mother. I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been to be a white teenage girl- Jewish at that- in Virginia, getting pregnant by a black man. It was a story worth writing about. I liked it.

My Grade: B

"Nickel and Dimed", by Barbara Ehrenreich

Plot Synopsis: Barbara Ehrenreich took jobs as a waitress, a Wal-Mart employee, and with a maid service, to see if she could make it on a minimum-wage salary.

My Two Cents: The best thing about this book is that the author has soooo much room for politicizing and proselytizing, but she choses not to, at least until the last chapter, instead letting the experience speak for itself. And when she does proselytize, it is so eerily like my own current employment situation, it makes you want to run out and unionize every possible group of workers you can find. Case in point: she wonders why low-wage workers don't act in an economically rational way, meaning, holding out for better pay. Her reason? Because when you enter the low-wage workplace, you check your civil liberties at the door, leave America and all it supposedly stands behind, and learn to zip your lips for the duration of the shift. Just recently, at my place of employment, the administration literally removed the door from the teacher's lounge. Barbara, I hear you loud and clear. Workers of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your chains.

My Grade: B+

"A Continent For The Taking: The Tragedy and Hope of Africa", by Howard W. French

Plot Synopsis: Howard French is New York Times reporter who's family lived in Cote d'Ivoire. The book covers the recent political and social turmoil in Liberia, Nigeria, Rwanda and the Congo, with particular attention to post-genocide Rwanda and Congo and the cost of the Hutu-Tutsi strife that lasted long after the horrid one hundred days of carnage in 1994.

My Two Cents: I've read a lot of books on Africa since I returned from my Peace Corps stint in Cameroon in 2001. This is the second best one I've read, Aidian Hartley's "The Zanzibar Chest" being the best. The difference between the two, beyond Hartley's more lyrical framing of his story, is that they cover two different Africas that are very much alike. While Hartley focused on the Sudan and Somalia, French travels to Liberia at the time of Charles Taylor's rise to power, and, more interestingly, to the Congo after the Rwandan genocide. His interaction with the Rwandan refugees and the crisis's toll on the Congo were enlightening. Rwanda's influence literally made it's way into the highest government circles in Kinshasa, throwing the capital of Africa's largest and- arguably- most important country- into all too familiar chaos. This was a riveting read, well-written, and highly recommended for anyone interested in the fate of Africa.

My Grade: A-

"Beasts of No Nation" by Uzodinma Iweala

Plot Synopsis: A child-soldier-in-Africa book, written by a 23-year old Harvard University graduate, who had never actually been to Africa.

My Two Cents: There's not much need for a plot synopsis. The kid gets taken by an African militia in an unnamed African country and the rest follows. It is a short, easy to read book, and, I suppose, it deserved a lot of the praise it got; however, my issue isn't with the content of the book. My issue is with the garbage they threw in at the end of the novel. Do I need a biography/celebration of the author? (Answer: NO.) Do I need a list of the author's favorite books? (Answer: WTF? NO.) Is it better than "Johnny Mad Dog", by Emmanuel Dongala, another child-soldier-in-Africa book? (Answer: NO.) It isn't a bad book, but it's instantly forgettable, unfortunately.

My Grade: C+

"True History of the Kelly Gang", by Peter Carey

Plot Synopsis: Ned Kelly is an outlaw- an alledged bandit, murderer and horse thief- on the run in late 1800s Australia. The story is framed in Ned's own words, in a journal written on snippets of paper, meant for his daughter. He was raised by a single mother who worked as a bootlegger, was in jail at 15 and dead by 26. The final scene- which also acts to open the novel- has Ned Kelly storming out in a hail of bullets, his body awkwardly encased in make-shift armor, falling to his death. Won the Booker prize in 2000.

My Two Cents: Novels don't stay with me. I've always had this problem. I can read something, spend a couple of weeks with it, and the day after I can't remember the plot, much less the names of the characters. I had read a Peter Carey book before and found it okay. He is a strong writer who creates instantly likable characters, but the book- "My Life As A Fake"- ultimately didn't hook me.

"True History of Kelly Gang" however, is an entirely different monster. "Blood Meridian", "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn", "The Zanzibar Chest"- there are few books that I have read that I feel some physical connection to. There is a palpable sense of urgency, of excitement, of being part of something that is bigger than the book itself. You almost feel yourself becoming a better person because you've had the opportunity to stumble into this world. The book is that good. Quite honestly, one of the best books I've ever read.

My Grade: A

"Losing My Faculties: A Teacher's Story", by Brendan Halpin

Plot Synopsis: Brendan Halpin is the only teacher who understands. He loves the kids, but his colleagues are all burnt out and have no passion for education. Professional development meetings suck. He listens to the same music his students do. If only given the chance, he could change the world. You get the picture.

My Two-Cents: Reading books about teaching- especially the light-hearted, anecdotal ones that offer no solutions- is a bit like having an out-body-experience during an interview for a teaching position. Invariably, there is the question about what your weaknesses are as a teacher. The only correct answer to this is, essentially, "I just care too much". This could be in the form of working too hard, of assuming too much, of getting too attached, etc. It is, in the biggest nutshell of them all, a poop-smeared, stinky peanut the size of a Volkswagen, complete bullshit. For once I'd like to go into an interview and say, "Well, my biggest weakness is sometimes I just don't care. Maybe three, four times a week. Sometimes I don't want to teach. That's when I make photocopies at the last minute or hunt down the DVD player and fantasize about grad school." Of course, you'll never read THAT book about teaching.

My Grade: C